Friday, April 13, 2007

shear genius premieres

Shear Genius is so bad it's good.

The highlights:

Jaclyn Smith seemed to be sporting her oh-so-hip Kmart clothing line throughout the episode.

"I love hair. I love everything about hair. There is nothing better in the world than what I do." - Evangelin, mother of two, crying by the end. Later she reveals, "I'm an emotional person. I'm not going to lie."

"My comb and my shears feel like an extension of my own body." - Anthony, who clearly grew up watching Edward Scissorhands too many times.

"Of COURSE I was nervous! You know it's like going in the shower and you pull the shower curtain back and you look in the mirror and you're stark-ass naked and you look horrible and you scream?" - Jim. Perhaps I'm not old enough or gay enough to understand this comparison. Or perhaps I'm not odd enough, as Jim later uses the descriptive phrase "pickle in the middle".

The lovely Jaclyn Smith hosts this show, but to give it hairdresser cred, Sally Hershberger plays lead judge. In case you weren't familiar, Sally gave the world the Meg Ryan shag haircut.

Jaclyn Smith may be an even sweeter host than my beloved Todd Oldham. In what might be perceived as the infamous reality tv foreshadowing, she lovingly reassures the contestants, "Just remember, those of you who rank last today could be first tomorrow."

"I'm sure that everyone agrees hairstylists are artists." - the dear Jaclyn Smith. The phrase "hair art masterpiece" appears throughout the episode as well.

"I am a commercial hairdresser. I know how to cut hair. I am NOT somebody that shops at Michael's." - Paul Jean, king of snobbery, who is, in reality tv fashion, eliminated.

"After seeing some of the things people are buying, I can only imagine the tacky shit that's gonna come out of that hair." - Lacey, who naturally had the most boring style there.

In the years of reality contestants hearing it's time to see the house and actually seeing the house, this cast showed absolutely zero enthusiasm. It was only missing some nice production-added crickets.

"Talent has no age." - Theodore, who did win the challenge.

"Everyone's acting pretty friendly right now. Politenesses are on." - Tyson.

"I didn't unpack my suitcases to make it easier. Just in case. So that was my strategy of the morning." - Tabatha, it's a hair design challenge, not a packing challenge.

Tyson choosing a model, "Could I touch your hair? Do you wanna make some art? Would you like me to be your hair artist?" He sounds like a creepy man trying to give children candy. He then explains his plan of creating "a bird of paradise for a lovely dove." My eyes cannot roll fast enough.

The catchphrase: "this was your final cut."

After seeing the 'dos this episode, I sincerely hope the prize also includes styling Kelly Wearstler's hair for Top Design 2.

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